three cheers for new years

so i have given it many many a thoughts..my new years resolution. Everyone, wether they admit it or not, has one. In the back of their mind, they give themselves one that they half heartedly try to follow every year. Well, i've never been much of one to try and pick a serious resolution with intentions on following it until this year. Standing in my shower i had a suddenly brilliant idea: I will try something new, every month, and continue to try it till the 30 days is up. Now as to what months will be what, i have no clue, but I do have a few ideas for a few:

go vegetarian

not buy any new clothing for 30 days

only shop at local boutiques (no department stores)

no sugar

10 push ups a night

do something nice/out of the way for someone new

i think this is an ideal way to try 12 new years resolutions for a short span of time greatening my chances of completing them and doing something good for myself and the people around me :) I am very excited for 2010 and all that they year shall bring.

Mmmmm good...

Waiting for a friend at Mercato Ristorante in Oly... Enjoying the chianti



Rain is pouring outside and Christmas is in the air. I thoroughly enjoy this time of year even when the economy is on the outs at the moment. How can one be unhappy during this season? It really allows you to appreciate what you have rather then want all the things you are without. Cheers :)

lookbook love

This was last weeks Lookbook.nu post. It's awkward for me to try to pose and not look like a doornob or something...i was clearly NEVER a model. Ever. I guess I need Tyra to teach me to "smile with my eyes" or whatever it is she says :)

This was my Lookbook post, POST San Fran trip :) I had been dreaming of the day when I would finally run into a Zara and what do you know....I found one in San Francisco. This yummy little flowered shirt dress is from there, Vest by A&F, liquid leggies by Zinc, and shoes by Aldo...I heart Aldo

not even photoshop could help me know

what can I say, i'm incredibly new to this whole "fashion blogging" thing. I was invited to join Lookbook.nu which was a HUUUGGEE honor to me being as I am SUCH a newbie via the web to this whole scene, so here's my first look. One thing you should know about me is I love close...a ton. There is no such thing as too much, I love creating outfits, i love dressing other people, I love being out of the box when it comes to what i present myself in for the day. Am i feeling chic? Comfortable? Lazy? Sexy? Masculine? Ultra- Fem? I love all the options. It's a sense of complete control that I can't get from much else :) only thing is now I have to learn how to take a decent picture...because clearly I look like SUCH an amateur! This is horrid and I'm sure it will haunt me the rest of my blogging career. ish.

You make breaking hearts look so easy...

and then it ends. After a week of non responsive torture to my heart he finally ended it. Said "he cant be in a relationship right now and it's not fair to me"...right, "fair"...After a very very long drive at 3 in the morning, i just feel numb. IDK what to do really...Heartbroken, yes, but now what? I'm leaving for school in 6 months, I work a lot, and he was my best friend...for 6 years now. Guess I gotta figure it out on my own now. You never really know what you got till you're missing it a lot, that's for sure. All the "should have could have would have"s start floating around your mind making you feel like this all could have been avoided if you'd just done a few things different...but you didnt. Why not? It's a question that will always remain unanswered and who knows what will come of me and Mr. Garland. Till then, I gotta find some other things to occupy my time...least my San Fran trip is coming up soon, get the hell out of this godforsaken town and just experience another place on my own for a few days...If I had known all this was happening I would have registered for the winter classes..Eff my life.

-AbM

love love love love

What am I currently loving?...

My MacBook (hearts)

Cobra Starship "Hot Mess" album (do not underestimate the power of electric pop people)

Tights/Leggings/Nylons/Any non-traditional pants as pants

Leather ...on anything

Large chunky bobbles (necklaces, rings, earrings, bracelets, head bands)

Bows. nuff said

My Americano and my morning fashion blogs on a cold blistery day...

those are my current loves. Now when I figure out how to put pictures up on this thing, we can really start communicating :) love you blog, love you

-AbM

didn't see this coming

Just when you think you're in the clear of personal drama and life-confusion, someone out there decides "no way hozay, let's try this drama on for size"..So here I sit, knowing I don't have to move (yay!) but when I finally take a deep sigh of relief I have to quickly suck it all back in. The same week my location limbo ended, my relationship limbo has been brought to font. The BF is one of the most amazing guys I have ever met, and I should know...he's been a part of my life for almost 7 years now. He's a hard working and caring person, loves to put others before himself and make sure everyone is taken care of and happy, even if that means putting his own desires, wishes, wants, and time on the back burner. I know all this first hand, and yet I still somehow manage to take advantage of him sometimes..not intentionally of course, but with my life tossing and turning me every which way lately, I haven't been as understanding and supportive of HIM as I should have. I know that now, because he's taken our relationship to 7th grade status...the dreaded "break"...

What does that even mean? Breaks are for a cup of coffee and employee gossip around the water cooler, not relationships with people you care about. "Break" is just another word for "I'm putting you on the back burner right now because I'm not ready to make a final decision to the situation"..and its not exactly the best feeling ever. I've done this to him plenty of times (I still feel horrible) but I knew exactly why I pulled the "breaks"; because I was getting bored and wanted to see what other fish were swimming in the sea. I was also a young, stupid, immature adolescent who still has not forgiven herself for all the wrong I have caused to this person I care so much about. It hurts really bad. He says not to worry, that he just needs some space, but what does that all really mean? Is there someone else? Is he bored with ME? Did I push his buttons too far needing him more then he was able to give? All these questions are flooding my head and it's getting hard to think or do anything else besides sit and zone out. He's my best friend, I care about him more then anything else and he's the one person in my life I know will always be there for me no matter what...least I thought that...now I'm not so sure.

I've never checked my phone so many times in a day hoping to see a text from BF, never looked at someones facebook status more to see if it changed, hoping to get a clue as to how is feeling...I'm boarding on stalker status... After all is said and done I do realize how my negative energy effects people around me, in a more drastic way then I ever realized. There's about 500 things I would have done differently, but I don't know if I'll get the chance. Haven't talked to him for 48 hours...and counting...

As the world turns...

Well I've been in the same place for a year now, and that can only mean one thing...time to move! (exclamation point for dramatic effect only). I loathe moving. It's one of the most time consuming, annoying, and frustrating things that we as humans have to do. Animals aren't forced to pack up belongings in flimsy boxes and transport it from one place to another, so why should we? If I had a desire to go through everything single thing I owned, don't you think I would have done it months ago? But alas, it is that time of year again. Only this time, when I thought I had moved to the ends of the earth...I have to move even further...to Shelton, WA. Do I even know if Shelton is on your standard map? No.

I love my father, he's the best dad he can be and he's given me more most other children never get from their parents. I consider myself one of the few lucky ones to have scored with 1 completely normal parent. But his choice in woman since divorcing my mom in '98 (actually, I guess since they got divorced she would technically count as one of the "choices" in question) has been completely hit and miss. Don't get me wrong, she's an amazing gal, and she's been so gracious as to let me live with them for the past year (he's been there for 2) but her and her kids aren't normal...They're incapable of coexisting with people who function like normal human beings...he threw in the white flag in the battle and now we're forced to live in the only place we can afford right now (with him switching professions and me trying to pay for one, we're slightly strapped), our summer cabin out in Shelton.

It's a beautiful piece of property. Sitting on a clean, 5 mile natural lake, it's absolutely gorgeous..when it's 78 degrees out. In the winter it's cold, wet, windy and almost creepy. The house wasn't built with "housing" conditions in mind. We have a kitchen and running water, shower and all that stuff...but we lack a few necessities..like a washer and dryer. And heating! Let me just say, I am not looking forward to this move because I don't really see any good that can come from it. Besides having additional thinking time in the extra driving miles I'm going to wrack up, as my job isn't exactly in the Mason County area....lovely.

Right now I just want to get to school and not so much start over as to have new material to work with. New people, new places, new things to inspire and motivate. More to look at and think about. I love WA and I have no problem making this place my permanent home someday, but I gotta be doing something else by now. 4 years later, it's time to be an adult and start moving. Literally.

Creative Avoidence

After a long relaxing day of magazines, pampering, and cozy leggings one would think I would be nodding off peacefully in total, utter zen bliss. Unfortunately, the one thing that could effect that rather delightful idea, occured. The dreaded "were in a rut" talk with the BF. Now let me go on the record by saying we've had our fair share of history in the 6 years we've known each other. We don't have enough fingers to measure how many times he told me he loved me and while I loved him too I "wasn't ready" and was trying to spread my relationship wings with a few, rather huge, wastes of time. I knew He was where I belonged and wanted but something was always holding back. To this day I still search high and low for whatever "it" is. I'm completely insecure with myself, work two jobs I can't stand, have no true friends to call and get advice from and live with my crazy and sometimes insane family; while He is just as insecure as I am, completely stubborn, working a second job on top of his full time career in order to put me through school and is forever exhausted... Were two screwed up people trying to figure out how to make the other person happy. When I think secretly we just wish that person would be happy with themselves first and formost. Do I care about him? Absolutely. He's always been the closest thing to a best friend that Ive had. He's accepted me for my faults and flaws along with my fancies and wishes. He drops his own schedule for mine most of the time and he hasn't been able to make his own descisions since freshman year so it's safe to say, yes I care about him. But I still feel like were missing something. Together, were just not fully getting it. It's stressful to plan an evening for us, on the rare occassion he sucks up his sleepy eyes and trys to please me by leaving the confines of his room when all he really wants to do is relax and get back to neutral. And I still try and watch as much football as humanly possible on a Sunday even when I have no clue what's going on whatsoever and drive 2 hours out of the way to bring him his favorite Thai food after a long week ( it also has been used as a peace offering on occassion). I just wish I knew how to love myself better so that I could let him love me the way he wants to. It's a never ending quest.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Stuffed to the gills

I went out last night and had a wonderfully filling meal with the boy at the cheesecake factory. If you have never been I strongly recommend it because it is in fact lifechanging cuisine. Start off with a fire roasted artichoke and Asian pear martini (delectable) and the wonderful Evelyns Favorite Pasta for a main entree. While it is a vegitarian dish, this pasta is so packed with flavor it's like a garden party in your mouth. Yum. And the only way to finish the meal off is with a slice of overly delish cheesecake... My favorite is the Chocolate Coconut Cream Cheesecake, but there is by far not a bad slice in that place. After partaking of such a wonderfully satisfying and caloric filled meal I told myself this morning "americanos and salad for you today lady" to offset the damage I did. And that worked perfectly until I woke up and devowered the rest of my cheesecake... Cheesecake in the morning isn't as tastey as it sounds I do not recommend that. But of course, after arriving at job #1 my boss starts trying to fatten me up like a Christmas turkey offering homemade smoothies and whole wheat pizza. And I can't be rude now can I? She keeps me employed after all... So I try to stomach more food, all the while cursing that cheesecake. Damn that cheesecake. ..

to blog or not to blog?

as i am sure you have already noticed, I am a beginner blogger. I dont really know nor understand the purpose of a blog, but what i do know is there are many and millions that I constantly view while sitting on my couch, wasting time on the compu watching reruns of the Kardashians (you do it too, be proud). Though the ones I am searching through are typically famous fashion blogs of people who have either exceptional taste or a great self style (i'm a sucker for fashion although I am very unfashionable in my own personal opinion).my name is AbM, i live in the sad, sad little town of Yelm, WA (doubt it's even on the map if you tried to find it) and I work 2 jobs while trying to save for cosmetology school. i have a very interesting family (if that's the right word? it's confusing) and a not so interesting life. the only thing interesting about my life in my opinion would be my boyfriend Josiah who even after 6 years of putting up with my back and forth, "it's not the right time" and "it is the right time" attitude still finds it in his heart to love and support me; and my dog Baxter (pictures to follow). so this will i guess be an entrance into my day to day life/a place to vent where judgement surpasses me (because lets face it, i cant see you, it's a computer screen). let me apologize in advance because I am weak with words. thank you

AbM